big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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