I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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