he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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