I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
