hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
