I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
