u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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