And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Panties = found
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
