Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
