Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sarcasm needs its own font
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
