If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
