i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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