If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
