do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
