so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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