Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
