That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
