Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
