At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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