they need to just BURY HIM!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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