sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it glows. i had to have it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
