Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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