so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
