dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
