I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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