i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
