i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
