i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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