I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
