I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
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He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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