if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
