I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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