I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
