she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
