he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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