It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
