i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
