i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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