dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
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Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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