Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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