JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
