5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
