Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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