Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Say something about gay babies.
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Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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