My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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