my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
