You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
