i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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