you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
