you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
