I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
