I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
