dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
