Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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