I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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