Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
...so i touched it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
