I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
