Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
