Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
