made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
