My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
