If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
