Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
