Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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