I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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