I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
