I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
