Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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