We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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