Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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