I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
