im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
