Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
