It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
