DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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