Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
