i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
