Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
