I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
