Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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