rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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