Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
