Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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