I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
