hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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